Monday, December 2, 2013


My most memorable December was, hands down, the year I proposed marriage to my wife…Kaylene.  We had known each other only four months, but I knew she was ‘the one.’  Sitting together in my car one evening, I told her I had an early Christmas present for her in the glove box.  [I know… not too creative or romantic, but it produced a favorable outcome nevertheless!]  Thankfully, she loved the engagement ring and said, "yes".

And in 45 years together I have learned one thing…that marriage isn’t for me!  Now that I have your attention…Marriage isn’t for you either. You don’t marry to make yourself happy; you marry to make someone else happy.  Marriage isn’t for you.  You marry for a family,  not just your in-laws, but for your future children and grandchildren.  Who do you want to help you raise them?  Who do you want to help you influence their values and shape their character?  Marriage is not about you.  Marriage is about the person you married.  From the beginning, I wanted to love this woman.  I wanted to make her happy; to see her thrive as a Christ-follower, to see her smile every day, to see her laugh every day.  True marriage [and true love] is never about you.  It’s about the person you love – their needs, their hopes, their dreams.

Away with the Wal-Mart approach choosing a husband or wife…if it doesn’t suit me, I will return it and get a new one.  It’s not what can I get out of this relationship for me…It’s what can I give to my beloved.  To all who are reading these words – married, engaged, single and available or single by giftedness…marriage is not for you!  The capacity to love is not to benefit you.  It is to benefit the person you love.  But here is the kicker…The more you love that person, the more love you will receive.  Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you, but you are the primary beneficiary when you love unselfishly!

I John 4:7 & 8 “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

Pray with me… Father God, teach us and empower us to love unselfconsciously and unselfishly… starting with our family and then moving outward to our church family and then the family of mankind in this world.  And may we not love in word only, but may we love in deed and in truth.  In the name of Jesus, amen

Pastor Ken

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